treadmill torture

So, the 12-3-30 treadmill workout is supposedly the new big thing. You walk at a steep incline of 12, at a speed of 3 mph, for 30 minutes. Fun, right? It’s more like walking a never-ending uphill battle that just laughs at your cardio dreams while your calves scream for mercy. Who thought walking painfully slow on an incline for half an hour should be labeled as ‘low impact’? More like low motivation. You might as well plant yourself on a moving staircase to nowhere.

It’s miraculous that people aren’t flinging themselves off the treadmill in frustration. God forbid you have knees or hips that occasionally remind you of their existence. But sure, let’s trend it because it’s ‘simple’ and appeals to those who love their workout routines as thrilling as watching paint dry. Somehow this has become the epitome of thrilling ‘cozy cardio’. I’ve heard that phrase, and it sounds like an oxymoron—like spicy ice cream or sensible stilettos.

If this somehow appeals to you and you feel the need to embrace the monotony, there’s always more content to peruse. Because if you need more workouts that make you question your life choices, they’re just a click away.

But hey, no one’s stopping you from mind-numbingly staring at the wall while your legs relentlessly pump against gravity’s sarcastic resistance.

Honestly, just save your sanity and invest in something more thrilling, like, I don’t know, treadmill swimming. Whatever.