annoying green goop

So, sea moss gel. Yep, that’s what we’re talking about. This weird, green goop that’s apparently the answer to all of life’s problems because it has 92 of the 102 minerals the body needs. Who even counted that? Like someone sat down with a checklist next to their bowl of gelatinous algae and said, “Check! We’ve got magnesium! Check! Iodine is definitely in there!” It’s gone viral on TikTok, which should be your first red flag really, because we all know anything that trends online has to be as reliable as, well, TikTok dance challenges.

But hey, slap it in a smoothie and suddenly you’re a health guru. I guess it makes sense though, because when I think “nutrient bomb,” I definitely think of grinding up some slimy seaweed and slapping it on Instagram. Influencers will do anything for a like and an eye-roll, but come on.I read this somewhere, so obviously it’s true…

Honestly, the real miracle here is convincing people that sea moss belongs anywhere near their kitchen. Enjoy your tasteless sludge, I’ll be over here eyeing my coffee suspiciously. Whatever.