hate on sea moss gel

Oh great, sea moss gel. The latest craze for people who think plastering their insides with tasteless goop makes them healthier. Seriously, why would anyone willingly consume something that looks like it belongs in a jar on a witch’s shelf? Rich in 92 of the 102 minerals our bodies need, they say. Most of this is probably lost in translation when it turns into nutritional sludge tossed into every blissful smoothie. TikTok’s toy for the influencer crowd who think sipping gel makes them somehow superior to you.

The ‘Dr. Sebi’ alkaline diet is clearly the masterpiece that dragged this slime through social media. Yet, here we are. People treat it like liquid gold, but I’d bet liquid glue isn’t too far off in terms of texture. By the time you ‘improve your mineral intake’, you’ll be too full from all the water you’re downing trying to wash the taste out of your mouth. If you’re slowly resigning yourself to weird health trends, congrats, you’ve made it to the epitome with this gelatinous goop. Just call your smoothie a mineral mine and watch the confused looks when you serve your pale green concoction to friends.

Here’s a thought: let’s just eat actual food that tastes good and offers nutrients, shall we? Keep your sea moss, I’ll stick to things with taste and texture that don’t make my eyes roll back in disdain. Whatever.