the absurdity of bulletproof coffee

Bulletproof Coffee. Really? Who had the bright idea to throw butter or ghee into something as innocent as coffee and call it breakfast? Oh right, the keto zealots. As if coffee wasn’t already doing its job of waking up our lazy brains, they decided to chuck a glob of fat in it. What are we doing here, making a super fuel jet pack or just trying to get through Monday?

I mean, who wakes up and says, “You know what my coffee needs today? A layer of oily slime floating on top for that extra luxurious feel.” But it’s not just coffee, it’s supposed to provide “sustained energy” and cause no insulin spike? Big whoop. We might as well start adding kale to our cake batter. That’ll really fix things.

Think about it—there’s this obsession now with MCT oil, like it’s the elixir of life, except all it does is turn your stomach into an oil slick. And we keep going along with this nonsense because everyone acts like they’ve unlocked some hidden energy secret by turning a beverage into an oily swamp. Call me a purist, but I’ll stick with traditional coffee any day. You can keep your melting butter beverage.

The keto hype needs to simmer down. I’m done seeing butter flying off shelves faster than my patience at a hipster coffee joint. It’s absurd. Enough is enough.