matcha lattes are a joke

Matcha lattes. Seriously, who actually enjoys the bitter, green froth mixed with coconut oil and almond milk concoction that’s got the texture and color of swamp water? You need a degree in chemistry just to make this grimacing green sludge. They say it’s an ‘antioxidant fat bomb,’ but honestly, it tastes more like licking the floor of your local health shop mixed with over-hyped serenity promises.

And what is this nonsense about coconut oil in a drink? It’s like someone’s brilliant idea of ‘Hey, let’s just add blobs of fat to this already complex potion and call it healthy while we pretend to enjoy it.’ Trying to make this drink? Get ready to juggle thirty different ingredients as if you’re concocting an elixir in some medieval alchemy lab. Almond milk. Coconut oil. Matcha powder. Miraculously find the perfect balance so it doesn’t curdle and mock you in your own kitchen.

I mean, you’d think for something so touted around as magical, I wouldn’t feel like it’s more work than it’s worth. All this nonsense about antioxidants—just eat a strawberry or something and cut the drama. Overrated, overhyped, and absolutely a time thief. Whatever.

Here’s where they peddle more of this.