cactus water? seriously?

So, cactus water is the new coconut water, is it? How original. Just what we need—a new ultra-cool liquid to make people feel like they’re hydrated fashionistas. High in electrolytes, they say, but half the sugar of coconut water. Oh joy. Now I can feel trendy while avoiding that terrifying sugar tsunami from regular coconut water. Read my sarcastic musings about such nonsense if you’re as bored as me.

And can we talk about this ‘ultimate hangover cure’ nonsense? Yeah, because chugging a bottle of prickly pear extract is exactly what everyone wants to do when they’re already nauseated. Plus, it’s an amazing skin hydrator too. Wow, I can’t wait to stand in front of the mirror guzzling cactus water every day and clock in when my skin magically turns into Beyonce’s.

Marketing departments must be having a field day. Just slap ‘anti-inflammatory properties’ on it, and they’ve got the whole holistic crowd eating—no, drinking—out of their hands. Whatever.