prickly pear nonsense

So, prickly pear water. Seriously? Suddenly it’s the savior of the hangover universe because it has ‘half the sugar’ of coconut water. Is that really the bar we’re setting, coconut water? Half the sugar but double the ridiculousness. Suddenly everyone’s an anti-inflammatory guru through hydration. I mean, sure, electrolytes and antioxidants are great and all, but is a fancy name enough to justify adding cactus juice to your daily regime like it’s the magic fountain of youth? Gimme a break.

And what about that annoying hype claiming it’s the ‘ultimate skin hydrator’? Next time I see someone splashing prickly pear in their face like it’s some miraculous rain shower, I’m going to lose it. Is everyone just blind to the fact that it’s dressed up desert-sourced sugar water? It’s like people suddenly unlearned how H2O works and need an expensive diet fad to remind them that moist skin is a thing.

The ‘new coconut water’? I’m sorry, but there’s nothing coconutty about poking yourself with spiky fruit for a questionable beverage substitute, no matter how trendy it seems on someone’s filtered IG feed. Whatever. I’m done.